I drove home for Christmas break my junior year of college. As most typical college students do, I brought a large basketful of laundry with me to do at my parents’ house. I arrived at home, parked, and unloaded my car. As I walked up to the front door, I realized that my hands were too full to knock or even ring the doorbell. In retrospect, it would have been more efficient for me to simply put down the basket of laundry I was carrying and knock on the door. However, I brilliantly decided that the most efficient way to get my burden into the house would be to try to push the doorbell with my TONGUE. I craned my neck around the large basket I was holding and made contact with the doorbell. This led to two very important discoveries. First, I discovered that my tongue was not strong enough to depress the doorbell. Second, as I tried to stand up straight, I discovered that flagpoles are not the only winter danger to foolishly exposed tongues. My tongue was stuck, on both sides, to the metal frame going around the outside of the doorbell mount. Great. There was nothing for it. I stood up, ripping my tongue away from the adhesive-like grip of the metal. My tongue immediately started bleeding. By this time, my parents had come to the door, and I could only greet them with a half-hearted “Mewy Cwithmuth!”